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It’s always a pleasure when Christian from Austria shares his thoughts!

A lot of things are going through my mind in these challenging days, and yet every time I sat down to put them into words, it petered out pretty quickly. What was so clear to me a moment ago was gone the next moment. Maybe it wasn’t meant for being put into words, who knows. On one side I didn’t feel regret about it, since it was meant for me in the first place, and nothing was lost, since the message was received, as I like to imagine. On the other side I love to share, as rarely as I manage to do it nowadays.

What inspired me to actually do it and give my thoughts and experiences a form I can pass on physically was a Facebook post about experiencing emotions neutrally, whatever they are. There are actually a lot of experiences these days I can assign to this issue.

A lot of it has to do with alternate expressions (past/future lifetimes), which have caused a lot of challenges of mine over the last years. They started to come through powerfully in the notorious year of 2012 for me (how cliché), and there was a time when I experienced depression-like symptoms through them that ‘drove’ me near-suicidal (yes, I felt like a victim of them back then).

Thankfully this has changed for the ‘better’ in the meantime, and Veronica’s and Eloheim’s work played a huge role in it for me. That being said, they didn’t go away- quite the opposite. What changed was how I processed them, and I can’t even begin to describe how important the tools offered by E are in it for me.
The thing is they get stronger and stronger, by the day it seems to me sometimes. In a way they increased at the same rate I learned to deal with them- perfect equilibrium, no place for victimhood in me anymore, which is great. Which is also ‘great’ is the personal challenge for me, and sometimes I’m baffled I still manage to function in the society I find myself in.

The thing is that certain types come through specifically strong, and I sense they are connected to what E calls the ‘core emotion’. Saying that I have ‘control’ over them would be the wrong word; I can set boundaries with them, and it is also a VERY important tool for me to ‘dial them down’, as Fred taught us, if I remember it correctly.

It is challenging for me, though: living everyday through emotional imprints like losing everyone I ever knew and loved, returning to my village and finding everyone dead and slaughtered, finding myself abandoned and left to die in a dark forest, to name some examples, in other words: being the only being left in the entire perceived world. The earlier version of me would’ve been in no way able to deal with these powerful experiences and would’ve instead put that gun to my head I had already prepared.

This brings me to the idea of letting emotions pass through with neutral observation. I can only describe it as experiencing intense pain without any resistance, with it leaving no marks, generating no baggage, no lasting trauma, just existing in the very brief moment. Kinda like they say to kids at the doctor’s when they get a shot to not cramp up, since then it will really hurt. There is the saying “the first cut is the deepest” that describes it well how we as humans have the tendency to create baggage to ‘enrich’ our physical experience.

It also connects to an experience I had with E on the Austrian retreat, it was the first day, I believe (and can be heard on the recordings). I don’t remember exactly what the issue at hand was, but I remember saying something like that “I have to ‘overwrite’ negative experiences with positives ones”, to where E responded “no, we would rather say to observe them all neutrally” (could be I don’t remember the wording exactly, but it was something along these lines).

My first thought came from my ‘proud mind’ and was “how dare they to disagree with me!?” 🙂 That was funny and also connected to what they said to me when we very first met, but I digress. I kept pondering it, and realized we are both right. Neutral observation is the ultimate way to handle emotions- and everything else- from the soul’s perspective, as E said so many times. It is also true that this isn’t the way Homo Sapiens deals with anything.

We, who we define ourselves as spiritual seekers, are on the way to Homo spiritus, as E called it, but I don’t think anyone of us is there yet completely. No one I know personally, at least So for myself I do occasionally ‘overwrite’ negative experiences with positive ones, although it is undoubtedly symptom-treatment. It doesn’t reach the core of the issue, only the soul’s perspective can do that.

It’s a bit like imagining getting whatever one wants and desires. The ‘circle of infinite possibilities’ is not Santa’s bag in my view where one can get whatever is desired (Amazon is for that), but rather the ‘circle of infinite experiences’, as I would rather call it. The soul doesn’t care for suffering, for example, from being broke, it’s rather like “So you feel poor? That means you want more of that? No probs, can do that!” And there we have the temptation to feel like a victim of one’s own soul.

Because the resistance from ‘not getting what one wants’, also called suffering, is actually the key, I believe. Instead of solving the problem via desired outcome, it is rather the experience itself, the journey in it instead of the goal, that has the answer within. Everything else is there to make the moment more comfortable, since there is no hurry anyway, and it’s also a part of being kind to oneself, in the same way of getting painkillers against headache instead of bravely sitting it out. Both choices are honored.

I can imagine many of us do that. Like an animal who’s been abused has to learn that not every hand wants to hit them. And yet, for me the path is clear, although challenging, like I said earlier. Feeling the emotional imprints from countless lifetimes collapsing down on me all at once might be the biggest adventure ever, and I can imagine this was my main trajectory for this lifetime. I don’t owe it to Eloheim and the council for being able to deal with it; I’m not their victim in any way, positively or negatively.

But I hold them dear in my heart for offering these tools, just as I hold myself dear for accepting them.