Eloheim and I respond to real world examples of places that feel stuck and confusing for folks. My hope is that this will allow you to see how Eloheim’s teachings can work in your life!

One of my superhero powers is the ability to know things or to have clarity. My challenge has been with acting on my clarity. I have been looking at what focus and priority mean to me to strengthen my relationship to acting on my clarity that has helped a little. Acting on my clarity has been scary.

The concept that some folks don’t know how to be rich feels similar to how I feel, they win the lottery and then they are right back where they started a year later.

I have an abundance of clarity and Acting on my clarity requires energy, focus, commitment and responsibility. I have a few favorite familiar sufferings that I use to avoid moving forward with my clarity. One being using overwhelm to avoid focus and to avoid stretching myself.

Thank you for sharing!

I love your clarity about your clarity and about your stuck spot.

Let’s start right off with an Eloheim’s Tool
Clarity vs. Certainty

In the fear-based operating system, you are programmed to look for certainty. Certainty says, “I’m not going to risk any change unless I know ahead of time how it’s going to work out.”

Certainty is a fallacy; it is actually impossible to be certain of anything, but the habit of seeking it runs very deep.

Clarity is the opportunity to experience insight. Clarity is only accessible in the moment. It does not come from the thinking mind, but is inspiration received by connecting with your soul’s perspective.

Clarity is, “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea.” Acting on clarity is a step-by-step process, clarity to clarity. It is not driven by desire for outcome. Certainty is, “I will not act unless I know how it’s going to turn out. I’m not going to leave this marriage, I’m not going to leave this job, I’m not going to move from this apartment, unless I know where the next man is going to come from, where the next job is going to be, and where the next house is going to be. I won’t leave until I know. I won’t change until I know. I can’t make a difference in my life until I know how it’s going to be.” That’s certainty.

Clarity is, “This relationship doesn’t work for me.” See how it’s just so much calmer? “This relationship doesn’t work for me. I don’t have to know what the next relationship is going to be in order to act on the fact that this one doesn’t work anymore.” That’s clarity. And the beauty of clarity is that clarity leads to clarity. Certainty stops. Certainty is contracting. Clarity is expanding. Clarity says, “Here is insight.” Certainty says, “Until I know, I’m not going to go.”

It’s so much more fun to live from clarity because it always opens, opens, opens. Certainty just closes doors. When you follow clarity, it opens up more opportunities; when you wait for certainty, you can wait a really long, miserable time. In fact, you’ll wait forever.

At times, the cry for certainty can be very loud; however, it is quite fascinating to see how often you are willing to operate in clarity without realizing it.

Let’s say you want to go to the park for a walk. You don’t know who you’re going to run into. You don’t know if you’re going to be warm or cold. It could start raining and you don’t have a raincoat. There are multiple levels of uncertainty and you handle all of them with ease: “Wear layers, it’ll work out. Bring an umbrella or don’t bring an umbrella. Who cares? I may walk alone or I may meet someone to walk with.”

You can do all that and not have to contend with certainty’s cry for attention. However, when you get into other areas, especially the relationship realms (“I don’t know how she feels about me.” “Is he going to want to stay married to me?” “Is my kid going to do well in school today?”), suddenly the demand for certainty is back in charge. Certainty can’t be attained. Seeking it only generates suffering. Notice the temptation to look for certainty; then return to the moment and ask for clarity.

Translating your question into Eloheim language I hear you saying:

My challenge has been with acting on my clarity.

I’m afraid to act unless I’m CERTAIN of the outcome.

This makes complete sense to me. I’ve done it myself! In order for anything to change, WE have to be willing to change. Change is almost always scary. What will people think? Will I like the change? How will it impact my family? Will it cost me friendships? Will it affect my job? What if I make a mistake and I can’t take it back? etc. etc. etc.

Those voices can drown out clarity really fast!

As the tool above suggests, notice places where you are comfortable acting without certainty. Make a list! I bet it’s the majority of your day. It actually has to be! Why? The reality is that there’s no such thing as certainty. There really isn’t.

I can’t even tell you how many hairs I have on my head. MY OWN HEAD! I can’t tell you how these very words I’m typing will get to you, yet I type them confident that you will receive them. Let’s not even start in on how little I know about how my car works!

Life is an exploration of the unknown. That’s where we get growth, creativity, and everything new.

By making a list of things that you do even without certainty, it will start training your body (and creating new neural pathways) to see uncertainty in new ways.

Don’t expect uncertainty to “feel good.” Expect it to feel DIFFERENT! You want change so things must change and that includes feelings.

You mentioned that you have a Favorite, Familiar Suffering of using overwhelm to avoid focus and to avoid stretching yourself

Favorite, Familiar Suffering (FFS)
Within each of us are one or more FFS. It’s the place we go when we feel triggered, stuck or confused. Common FFS are “I’m too fat,” “I can’t afford it,” “I will never find love,” however there’s a huge variety!

Yours is “I’m overwhelmed.”

FFS is such a deep habit, we will run to it at the slightest provocation. EVEN WHEN IT DOESN’T APPLY to the current circumstances.

Here’s my example:

One of my FFS is: “I’m not enough.”

This is that perfectionist thing rearing its head again. It’s also the, “It should be different than it is and since it isn’t, I must not be enough.”

Now, this FFS is super flexible! I can use it about just about anything and I have!

The house isn’t clean? I’m not enough!
I can’t play my cello the way I want? I’m not enough!
The retreat isn’t sold out? I’m not enough!
My back is sore? I’m not enough!

It’s such a stuck and dis-empowering place! Yet I do it to myself. No one else says this to me (quite the opposite). I sit and stew in familiar suffering rather than take the small step that I can take RIGHT NOW to change the circumstances that are upsetting me.

There’s this trippy fake certainty weird non-comfort comfort in the familiarity of beating myself up in this way. Somehow this is preferred to engaging the now in a constructive fashion!

The next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, “What’s really going on?” Don’t allow the habitual catch all of “overwhelm” define your experience. Describe your experience with more words.

This format might be helpful. Change it to suit you!

“I’m tempted to use overwhelm to navigate this now; the truth is that I’m actually feeling ___________________.”

My version would be:
“I’m tempted to focus on not being enough as I plan this event; the truth is that I’m actually feeling concerned about my friend.”

Using one example I listed above:
“I’m tempted to focus on being too fat as I get ready for the party; the truth is that I’m actually feeling nervous that I won’t have fun.”

Here is Eloheim explaining how to liberate ourselves from our FFS patterns

Here are the Girls offering their support in navigating FFS

As you make this shift, This is utterly essential:

Don’t Be Mean to Yourself

If there’s something you genuinely want to change about yourself, you don’t have to be mean to yourself in order to change it. Take a moment and let that sink in. You don’t have to be mean to yourself to change.

You don’t berate a child about learning to walk, or talk, or write. You say, “Hey, it’s OK, let’s try it again.”

Yet, you will be extremely critical of yourself at nearly any opportunity.

How do you know if you are being mean to yourself? If you’re talking to yourself in a voice that you wouldn’t use with a four-year-old child, especially somebody else’s four-year-old child, you’re being mean to yourself.

When you find yourself being hard on yourself, simply ask, “Would I say this to a pre-schooler?”

No, you would not.

It’s OK to have a new plan or to desire something different for the future or to reevaluate how you handled a situation; that’s all growth. But beating yourself up is so contrary to everything we teach that we have made it our only rule: You don’t get to be mean to yourself.

Oh, and be aware that someday soon we are going to evolve this tool. Someday soon, we are going to lower the age. It will be, “You can’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a toddler or an infant.” Since you can be fascinated by EVERYTHING an infant does (Oh look, it’s a poo poo!), you can, eventually, be fascinated by anything YOU do, as well. Imagine that!

Everything happens Step by Step

Here’s a partial transcript from a conversation with Eloheim generously shared by Hayat! This is Eloheim guiding her in finding the step she is on.

Hayat: I haven’t gotten much done to really get my business going….I’ve made some steps here and there, but it hasn’t really felt right. And I changed the name and some of the concepts, with the new name, “Mandalas of Life”. I think maybe there’s some fear about going ahead and actually taking some steps there with the new idea because of getting stuck in the old ideas, just feeling like – and probably also because I’m not doing it step-by-step. I need to slow down and…

Eloheim: That’s exactly right. Even your description of it is all over the place. And that’s a good indicator that even your description of the problem feels like it’s going from step 2 to step 20 to step 80 to step 1 to step 5. You know, it’s not….You can’t even say, “Look, I have this business and this is what I tried. I didn’t feel like it was working, so I changed. Now I don’t know what to try next.” Right?

Hayat: Yeah.

Eloheim: So that is just a really good encapsulation of the problem. You’ve got to pick one thing and stick with it long enough to be step-by-step, authentically. And one of the tricks is that jumping around on your steps is a way to keep from ever having to show up, and ever having to be seen, and ever having to face the uncertainty. That’s what happens, especially with light workers. You guys have had so many lifetimes where you stood out in a crowd and all it did was get you in trouble. When you have this lifetime, and you’re ready to stand up and be bigger, you have a lot of hesitation. And it’s really, really easy to find any uncertainty as, “Maybe I shouldn’t be doing that”, or any setback as, “I’m doing the wrong thing”. And sometimes we talk about that employee-entrepreneur difference. And one of the differences is that entrepreneurs sort of force themselves to engage with uncertainty in a way that employees never have to.

Hayat: And I’ve done so much of that in my life [engaged with uncertainty], so I’ve felt a little stymied as to why it is that with this I’m allowing myself to get mired in it.

Eloheim: We think it has a lot to do with the fact that it’s your heart’s calling. It’s very tender to you, even sacred. There is a sacredness to this outing that you’re doing here.

Hayat: Yes.

Eloheim: That it’s like, “If this fails or is rejected (or whatever negative outcome might happen), then it’ll hurt too much. The exploration of it, whether it fails or succeeds, or does something in the middle – or do we even need to use those terms to describe it – that’s not the relevant issue. The relevant issue is exploring this heart calling, however it ends up looking. It could end up looking completely different a year from now. But it will never look any different than it does right this second, unless you step-by-step.

Hayat: Sure.

Eloheim: You don’t know what the end product is gonna be, but you know that if you don’t step-by-step, nothing is going to happen.

Hayat: Yes. And can you help me understand – if possible – why I used to be able to (I think I actually know the answer to this, even as I’m saying it)….why I used to be able to just do…I was very productive. I accomplished a lot, I did a lot, I helped a lot of people, etc., etc. And now I have felt a little bit the feeling of, “What the hell are you doing in the world?” (This is where I can be mean to myself.) [Crying] What came to me as I was saying that was that I think I was powering through things, and using my adrenals in a way that was unhealthy, because I had an unhealthy need to prove something to be loved. And now that that’s not the case, I’m kind of trying to figure out where does that motivation come from now? Do you know what I mean?

***

Eloheim: So what is it? How would you describe what’s going to motivate you if you don’t use adrenaline?

Hayat: Well, you said it…fascination, and taking things on step-by-step, and being open to my own curiosity and seeing what is there for me to experience, and what new expansion is there.

Eloheim: And you notice that none of those words really talked about an outcome. And we think that part of the other trouble you’ve been having with your business launching is some unconscious or maybe even conscious focus on outcome. Like, “If I have 10 clients, then I will be successful,” or “This would have been a good use of my time” or “I would have been right about the decisions I made”. So you have to be really careful that it comes from an inside out exploration, rather than a trying to haul an outcome into you. And that’s a big change for everybody to make too, because your society is based on success in a lot of ways.

Hayat: Outer rewards and recognition.

Eloheim: It has to start from an inside out emanational presentation that then magnetizes.

Hayat: And I can so feel that. So it is a very in between place I – and I guess a lot of other people – are in.

Eloheim: Mm hmm.

Hayat: We can feel the path, and yet we’re having a challenge completely stepping into it.

Eloheim: Yeah, well because of the non-adrenaline thing. So this is the description of the state we’ve just offered you:

1. Completely uncertain.
2. Not focused on any kind of an outcome.
3. Inwardly emanated.
4. Not driven by anything that’s previously motivated you.
5. Not pushed by the fact that life sucks and you have to change it.

[Both laugh out loud.] Eloheim: There ya go!

Hayat: It does make you laugh, when you put it like that.

Eloheim: And so that very nebulous thing is what we’re using to take the next steps. And so it’s easy for, “Well what is the next step” to feel nebulous too, but it’s a feeling thing, and it’s an awareness thing. It’s an awareness that, “I totally know that this step is fascinating, that it fills me with possibilities, that it offers me a sense of connection with others that I value, it honors the truth I have about myself, and it makes me feel as though I’m fulfilling something I value. And so that’s your motivative forces. Now you might have some more, or some of those may not apply, but that’s kind of it. So you can see where none of this is – even though we’ll say, “Step-by-step”, which is still true – none of it is – “That’s why you should buy 500 business cards instead of 250.”

Hayat: Yeah.

Eloheim: None of it is telling you a business plan. It’s telling you a self plan that affects your entire life, including your business.

Hayat: Yes.

Read the entire transcript here https://www.eloheim.com/how-to-use-step-by-step-for-success/

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